Thich Nhat Hanh Fidelity – How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts – Web Tải Sách Miễn Phí Ebooks PDF

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INTIMACY

Just as a monkey jumps from one tree to another, so people jump from one prison of sensual love to another.

—Sutra on the Net of Sensual Love, Verse 9

WE MIGHT RECOGNIZE OURSELVES in this image of the monkey. If we don’t like something our partner does, we just find another partner. Then, when that partner inevitably does something we don’t like, we move on to the next.

We all want love and understanding, but we often confuse love with desire. Love and desire are different. When they get mixed up together, we need to look at them deeply and make an effort to sort them out! There are three kinds of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Physical intimacy can’t be separated from emotional intimacy; we always feel some emotional intimacy when we’re sexual, even if we profess not to. When spiritual intimacy is there, then physical and emotional intimacy can be healthy, healing, and pleasurable.

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

Every one of us is seeking emotional intimacy. We want to be in harmony.We want to have real communication and mutual understanding. Although physical desire is not love, it is impossible to have physical intimacy without emotional intimacy because body and mind are not two separate entities. What happens in the body will have an effect on the mind and vice versa. The mind can’t exist without a body to hold it and the body relies on the mind to move and to function. There should be no distinction between respecting your body and respecting your mind, because your body is you. Your loved one’s body is also her mind.You can’t respect one part of her without respecting the other.

I know a musician who for many years went out to parties every weekend to listen to music, drink, and dance. At the beginning of the evening, these parties would be joyful and open-hearted. People would be smiling and relating to one another. But near midnight, people would close up. They started focusing only on finding someone to bring home with them that night. The music, alcohol, and the food watered seeds of sexual desire in them. The next morning, many of them would wake up next to a virtual stranger. They would say good-bye and part ways, without remembering what they had shared in body and mind in private the night before. The following week, he would go through the same cycle again at another party. But no matter how many parties he went to or how many people he slept with, he couldn’t find the emotional well-being he was seeking, or fill the void he felt inside.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY

Every living thing wants to continue into the future. This is true of humans, as well as of all other animals. Sex and sexual reproduction are part of life. Sex can bring great pleasure and enrich a deep connection between two people. We shouldn’t be against sex, but we also shouldn’t confuse it with love. True love doesn’t necessarily have to do with sex. We can love perfectly without sex and we can have sex without love.

Spiritual awakening isn’t the exclusive provenance of celibacy. There are people who are celibate but who don’t have enough mindfulness, concentration, and insight. When people in intimate relationships have mindfulness, concentration, and insight, their relationships have an element of holiness. Sexual intimacy shouldn’t occur before there is communion, understanding, and sharing on the emotional and spiritual level.

The human body is beautiful. The tree, the flower, the snow, the river, and the willow are also beautiful. We are surrounded by beauty, including the humans and animals that populate the Earth. But we have to learn how to treat beauty so that we don’t destroy it.

Our society is organized in such a way that sensual pleasure seems the most important thing. Producers and manufacturers want to sell their products. So they advertise their goods and water the seed of craving in you. They want you to be caught by the desire for sensual pleasure.

When we’re lonely and cut off, when we suffer and need healing, that is the time to come home to ourselves. We may also need to be close to another person. But if, right away, we’re sexually intimate with someone we’ve just met, that relationship won’t heal or warm us. It will just be a distraction. When we’re trapped by sensual love, we spend our time worrying that the other person will leave or betray us.

Loneliness can’t be dissipated by sexual activity. You can’t heal yourself by having sex. You have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself and focus on making your own home within. Once you have a spiritual path, you have a home. Once you can deal with your emotions and handle the difficulties of your daily life, then you have something to offer to another person. The other person has to do the same thing. Both people have to heal on their own so they feel at ease in themselves; then they can become a home for each other. Otherwise, all that we share in physical intimacy is our loneliness and suffering.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY

Spirituality doesn’t mean a belief in a specific spiritual teaching. Everyone needs a spiritual dimension in his or her life. Without a spiritual dimension, we can’t deal with the daily difficulties we encounter. Mindfulness can be an important aspect of your spiritual path, whether or not you are a religious practitioner.

Your spiritual practice can help you deal with your strong emotions. It can help you to listen to and embrace your own suffering, and help you to recognize and embrace the suffering of your partner and loved ones. Spiritual intimacy with your partner helps create emotional intimacy and makes your physical intimacy more fulfilling. The three kinds of intimacy are interconnected.